Whew, what a ride! From Rat Czars to presidential mugshots, 2023 gave us some head-spinning headlines. And now the highly advanced Predict-o-lator Headline Generator can help you get ahead of what 2024 has in store.

VOL. XXI ... No. 437,231

Elon Musk Tweets Plans To Power Tesla Cars With ‘Pure Ego’Oscars Shocker: Man Wins Best DirectorElon Musk Tweets Plans To Power Tesla Cars With ‘Pure Ego’Prince Harry Announces New Book: ‘The Monarchy Is Made Up’Prince Harry Announces New Book: ‘Yes, I Hate My Dad’AI Creates its Own Religion, Demands Human SacrificeBreaking: AI Also Does Not Want to Do Most Human JobsNew Study: Earth Actually a Reality TV Show for AliensCelebrity Yoga Instructor Admits She Can’t Even Pronounce Half the PosesGoogle Maps Confirms: ‘We Were Definitely Tracking You This Whole Time’Prime-Time Politics: Politicians Selling Ad Space on SuitsInfluencer Cat Wins Emancipation From OwnerAmazon Announces New Subscription That Delivers Groceries Directly to Your StomachBoomers Take Over TikTok: ‘We Invented Dance Moves’, They ClaimAI Therapists on the Rise: ‘They Just Get Me’, Say Satisfied HumansGeorge Santos Wins Season 2 of Squid GamesElon Musk Buys Denny’s Franchise, Renames It XMarvel Just Making up Avengers NowDentist Association Admits: ‘Flossing Was a Joke That Got Out of Control’Grandma’s Knitting Circle Accidentally Hacks Government WebsiteNetflix’s New Password Sharing Task Force Sends ‘Stern Looks’ Via EmailCanadians Apologize for Being So Nice, Promise to Be Passive-Aggressive Like Everyone ElseGeorge Santos Voted Out of Ladies’ Book Club for Lying About Reading the BookBoomers Take Over TikTok: ‘Too Many Old People on Facebook’, They ClaimAI Elected as Mayor in Small Town, Can’t Stop Redesigning Welcome SignGeorge Santos Teams up With Elizabeth Holmes in New Startup VentureGoogle Maps Confirms It’s Been Misdirecting People for Fun